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On A Quieter Christianity

Posted on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 in Columns, Demon Hunter

I know this is probably gonna make a lot of you guys mad, but I need to say something that’s been on my mind. In fact, if you really want to know, I’ve been afraid to say it up till now, but I simply can’t hold it back any longer.

OK … here goes.

See the deal is … I don’t really like to hang around with Christians. In fact, I find that a lot of Christians are kinda, well … creepy. (Oh god, here comes the spate of e-mails.) Well, I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.

Now I’ll add a slight caveat to that statement. I’m not talking about all Christians … just to set the record straight. No, the Christians I’m talking about are the ones who go around talking about Christianity all the time. They’re the ones who need you to know that they’re Christians. You know who I’m talking about. You’ve met them too. They’re always in your face. They’re always shoving their beliefs down your throat. Now I don’t know about you guys, but to me, those guys give me the jitters.

Say what you will, but I bet, in fact, I know that there are a lot of “believers” who feel the exact same way I do. How do I know? Because they’ve told me so, that’s how. But they probably aren’t dumb enough to admit it in public. See, there’s this whole deal about “not judging” our brother. Yeah, well forget it. Everybody judges their brother — but mostly they do it behind the other guy’s back. In fact, I’ve never met a worse bunch of gossips in my life since I became a believer (but that’s another story.)

People who feel like I do are generally those who’ve gone from church to church — finally leaving after they just get sick to death of the hypocrisy, the show, the games. Yeah, I know. We’re supposed to promote fellowship and all that. But for me, the most important thing is to have a one-on-one relationship with the Lord. That’s the whole deal, right?

I know what’s coming next. Well, sorry, but I’m not about to answer any questions as to “who” my God is. I know Him, I know who he is, and frankly, I don’t owe you any explanation at all (nor do you owe anyone else one, for that matter).

Well, then, you may say, how do you know your God is the “real” one? I mean, maybe Charles Manson thinks he’s communicating with God too — though we all know who that dude is really communicating with. So maybe your God isn’t the real one.

You know what? I don’t have an answer to that question … other than that “I just know.” And that’s the end of that. As for doubt, sure I’ve got doubt. That’s another thing about the Christians that scare me. They never want to admit that they doubt anything.

I don’t know about you, but when I read the Bible I find some pretty screwed up characters in there. These guys the disciples weren’t a cocksure bunch. They were doubters. They fell off the wagon a million times. In short, they were “human.”

As fallible human beings, the truth is, we are always going to be weak; we are always going to fall off the wagon; we are going to go astray. The cool thing is, if we are truly in communication with the Lord, he’ll bring us back in line. And each time we do fall, we learn a lesson. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have to learn the same lesson a whole bunch of times.

The other thing about the “creepy Christians” is not only do they always have answers, they never want to show you their weak side. They’re constantly on stage. They always want to let you know how “good” they feel. Ah … sorry pal. I don’t buy it. And have you ever noticed how loud, how noisy these guys are? I’m not just talking about the preachers either. I don’t trust people who are too loud. They’ve got something to prove.

I think the true Christian is probably a lot quieter. I think that the man that really prays, prays in solitude. He doesn’t need to let other people know what he’s doing. In fact, he doesn’t want to. If he does a good deed, he does it in secret. He asks no reward.

See, what I really want to say is that I think true Christianity is actually much more mundane than we’d like it to be. It’s about the little things in life. It doesn’t jump up in your face and announce itself. It doesn’t do a big stupid circus dance so that you go oooh and ahhhh. I don’t care whether you’re a creepy Christian or a creepy New Ager or a Creepy Satanist—all of these people have that one thing in common. They want it to be about a show. They want thunderclaps and lightning bolts and a big hubbub.

They want attention.

Nah. Who needs it? God — at least the God who talks to me—is really a pretty quiet guy. I won’t say he’s shy — he’s not. But He doesn’t come on with a lot of whooping and hollering. In fact, he likes us to be quiet too — then you can hear him. If you’re making all this noise; if you’re busy shouting and stomping and babbling, (sorry I don’t believe in tongues), how the heck are you gonna hear what God has to say to you? If you’re in some church with a band blasting at you and you’re dancing in the aisles or rolling around on the floor, it might feel real good … but that’s not what the deal is. Sorry.

You might as well go fry your brains at some stupid rock concert. It’s all the same, man. You’re there to get high — that’s the deal. Everybody wants to get high. Everybody wants to get off. Everybody wants to feel good.

Sorry, folks, but that’s not what leading a godly life is all about. No, the true Christian life is much quieter, much more sober. And the man who’s really out there walking the walk — you’ll never even notice him.

That’s just the way it is.

And I think that’s just about enough of that, because now I’m starting to bore myself. Basically, either you get it or you don’t. And please, for Pete’s sake, don’t write and start quoting chapter and verse at me, because I’m not gonna argue with you. Sorry. You’ll have to go find somebody else to pick a fight with. (Not that I don’t like a good fight—I do.) But this fight got boring a long time ago. Besides, I know full well that I’m not going to change anybody’s mind by beating them over the head with the truth.

Only the Man Upstairs can do that.

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